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I’ve dated him for nine years. I have broken off the relationship numerous times because the odds seem so stacked against us. He has a large judgment against him which makes it impossible for him to purchase a house without it all going against the judgment. He advised that I could sell my house, buy another more suitable for both of us in my trust before we marry, and it would not be subject to his judgment. He would make the payments after we married. He is 58 and I am 50. I am really hesitant in taking that gamble. What if he gets sick and can no longer work to make the payments? My house is paid for, now, but not adequate for both of us size wise. We love each other very much, but the fear has me paralyzed to move forward. He has a life insurance policy that would more than cover it, but again, should he acquire a long-term illness and I am stuck with a large amount of medical bills to pay, I will be in real trouble. I suppose all marriages come with a certain amount of that risk, but it seems my situation is a little more riskier than most. I have two grown children and he has none. I don’t want my children’s inheritance jeopardized, but then again, I love this man. He is a good person with a great temperament and does make a good salary in his profession. We are very compatible.

The judgement is with the IRS.
He has paid some on the judgement, but I don’t think on a regular basis. He also drives an expensive sports car. In my opinion, he had no business buying it until the judgment was paid off. Another red flag…
I cannot purchase as nice of a house as mine for what I paid for it 10 years ago. The prices are ridiculously high for what you get nowadays.

5 Thoughts on Want to marry this man, but….?
  1. Reply
    golferwhoworks
    May 15, 2013 at 10:38 am

    you say he earns a good living! then why has he not paid this judgment off? Also there are state laws as to how long an unpaid judgment can go with out being dismissed. Some states 10 years other 20 years. The IRS almost never

  2. Reply
    HEATHER
    May 15, 2013 at 11:09 am

    I would try to make it work in the house you already have. If it is just the two of you even a one bedroom home should be ok for a while. He is better off using the money that he would be putting towards house payments into paying off the judgment.

  3. Reply
    Sherry
    May 15, 2013 at 12:00 pm

    Sticky situation. There is always the “what ifs” in life. I think you should purchase the new house. You are practically married without the official papers. If something should go wrong with his health, worst case senario, you sell the house and move into one that was like your old one. Houses are a good investment. Even if you live in it for a year, you will make money off of it. Take the plunge. Life always throws curve balls whether it be good or bad. You can’t predict the future.

  4. Reply
    lucy lou
    May 15, 2013 at 12:33 pm

    From hearing from past experiences from my mom’s friends–BIG NO!!!!
    You don’t know if he’s going to keep that job, or going to get laid off, going to make the payments. Sorry, heard too many stories about men and how they screw over women.I would keep your house, have him make payments in savings acct, save up, then buy an house. See, how he does for a year. And if you buy and then decided it wasn’t okay– do you know how much the market is going to flooded with houses next year? You just can’t sell a house so quickly now, if you change you mind.

  5. Reply
    pokeysangel2001
    May 15, 2013 at 1:28 pm

    NO NO NO! I WATCH A LOT OF SUSIE ORMAN, AND THIS GOES AGAINST EVERYTHING SHE SAYS. DO NOT MARRY THIS MAN. IF HE GETS BEHIND ON HIS JUDGEMENT, GUESS WHO THEY WILL GO AFTER NEXT. IF HE HASN’T ALWAYS PAID ON A REGULAR BASIS, WHO’S TO SAY HE WILL IN THE FUTURE. IF YOU DO THIS, YOU WILL PROBABLY LOSE YOUR HOUSE, YOUR SECURITY, AND YOUR SENSE OF WELL BEING IN THE PROCESS. I KNOW YOU LOVE HIM, BUT IF HE REALLY LOVES YOU HE WILL UNDERSTAND WHY YOU DON’T WANT TO DO THIS. THINK OF YOURSELF AND YOUR CHILDREN ALWAYS FIRST. IF YOU ARE FEELING TREPIDATION GOING INTO THIS, YOU DO NOT NEED TO DO IT. LISTEN TO YOUR SIXTH SENSE. IT IS TELLING YOU NO. THERE ARE MANY TIMES IN MY LIFE I WISHED I HAD LISTENED TO MY GUT INSTINCT, AND I TRY TO DO SO NOW. WHY NOT JUST LIVE TOGETHER IN YOUR CURRENT HOUSE. IF YOU LOSE THE HOUSE DUE TO A LONG TERM MEDICAL ISSUE WITH HIM, THEN YOUR CREDIT WILL BE MESSED UP AND FINDING A REPLACEMENT WILL BE NEARLY IMPOSSIBLE IN TODAY’S ECONOMY. THE LENDERS WILL BE MUCH MUCH TOUGHER IN THE FUTURE. GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR DECISION!

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