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Please no, “It’s not God’s plan/immoral/etc.” answers… Not what I’m concerned about.

I’ve been married 11 years. He is very sweet, buys me gifts, but LIES and cost us over $ 100K with a business that he constantly LIED about. 6 months ago he became a long haul trucker with the expectation to do local after 6-12 months. I had told him 1 more major lie, expenditure, etc. and we would probably be done. So he becomes an owner/operator (i.e. signs a lease to purchase a big rig truck) and commits to at least 2 years of long haul without asking me then LIES to me for 4 months. He’s said he’s sorry, but he always does and then does his own thing and LIES. We own our home but are VERY upside down so can’t sell and feel like because of it, I can’t leave now though would have except for that.

He’s only home about 36 hours every 6 weeks and this will go on for about 2-3 years more due to his buying the truck. I don’t trust him nor want to (been trying for 7 years and just keep getting hurt). I love him, but more like a friend than as a husband. It was recently mentioned by a friend that I should maybe consider a boy toy – nothing emotional but just someone to take care of the physical loneliness. Due to who I am considering, my husband would not find out and would be a safe relationship. What are your thoughts?

9 Thoughts on Should I get a boy toy? (practical concerns)?
  1. Reply
    November 3, 2011 at 2:10 am

    Why get a boy toy? Just own up to everything and get a divorce. Why stay with a man who you don’t love anymore? Just be brave and break it off. Then you can look for a new man without any of the cheating guilt and a clean slate.

  2. Reply
    November 3, 2011 at 3:10 am

    Everybody should have a little something something on the side for rainy days…
    Just make sure he doesn’t have the Herpes thats something you cant hide…

  3. Reply
    mrs g4
    November 3, 2011 at 3:40 am

    I suggest divorcing instead. Do you really want to be tied to a pathological liar for the rest of your life? Cheating is ALWAYS wrong. If you need sex from someone else, end the relationship you are in first.

  4. Reply
    November 3, 2011 at 4:37 am

    When you’re not sure about a situation between two people, put yourself in their shoes. So ask yourself these questions; How would you feel if you were working and your husband had a woman coming over for sex? What would you do if you found out? Also, remember that if infidelity can be proven, you get nothing from the divorce. And if you get caught, which happens a lot, you will have to live with the thought for the rest of your life. I think you should tell your husband that you cannot wait for months. You never know if he may show up one day and find you. You will be shamed by him, his family, and yours. Think of all of these things. If it is still worth it, then why not just leave him? Oh yeah, I forgot , the money, of course.

  5. Reply
    November 3, 2011 at 5:19 am

    Yep – no trip about morality or god or whatever. It’s just dishonest. You made a vow to be faithful to your husband. Divorce is real easy to get in this day & age — it’s on you to be woman enough to go through with it first, otherwise you’re a cheater. If you want to live with that, that’s on you. But it’s a pretty sh*tty thing to do.

  6. Reply
    November 3, 2011 at 5:48 am

    I say do what you need to survive in this life. Many would disagree, and they’re entitled to their opinion. If for whatever reason you decide that just leaving him is not an option, then you know best. Fair warning though, many “boy toy” experiences turn into more. If you develop feelings for him, then what? Are you prepared for what might happen? As much as many enter into this..physical only..relationship, you can’t help who you are attracted to. It could happen. Just something to think about. Hope this helps…

  7. Reply
    November 3, 2011 at 5:53 am

    ”Hurting people hurt people” A boy-toy would only add to your troubles. Illicit relationships are never safe and true it is not God’s plan. Hubby will eventually find out sooner or later.
    It is clear that there is lack of trust on your part and this is warranted by his previous actions.

    Marriage is sharing and caring for one another with a steady decision of your will. It seems it’s really all about him. Get help or get out, no excuses.

  8. Reply
    November 3, 2011 at 6:44 am

    No, grow up and divorce him.

  9. Reply
    November 3, 2011 at 6:45 am

    It’s your call— people tend to do as they please… That is a long time for a spouse to be gone..

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