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Chiyo finds Satsu and the two work out a plan to run away together. Chiyo fails and is injured when she falls off a roof, while Satsu manages to escape, never to be heard from again. Mother adds Chiyo’s doctor bills to her debt and halts her geisha training, since investing in a girl who will run away does not make sense. Chiyo is henceforth destined for a life of servitude to the okiya as a maid.

2 Thoughts on Can someone reword this paragraph and make it sound better?
  1. Reply
    Richard B
    November 14, 2011 at 5:44 pm

    Looks fine to me.

  2. Reply
    November 14, 2011 at 6:36 pm

    As Chiyo met up with Satsu, the two friends began to fulfill their dreams of running away together. Chiyo’s dream, however, was cut short when she was injured in the attempt to flee her former life. As Chiyo and Satsu made their way to freedom, Chiyo fell from the rooftops. Seeing Chiyo’s motionless body on the streets below, Satsu, disoriented and afraid, fled from the scene and was never heard from again. That night, Chiyo’s mother was startled as she heard loud voices from the neighborhood outside. When she investigated the commotion, she learned that her daughter had been severely injured, and would need extensive medical care. Disappointed and in debt, her mother had no choice but to give up on educating Chiyo on the lifestyle of a geisha. To this day, Chiyo has lived a life of servitude, serving as a maid to the Okiya. Often Chiyo wonders about her friend, Satsu. She can only hope that Satsu managed to find happiness, which had been denied to Chiyo on that fateful night.

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